This ____ Is Too Real

Oh how would anybody know
How I really feel
When they cannot know how real
The fears of losing people I know

Once upon a time, not too long ago,
She was a happy girl, full of dreams
Torrential rains, tears flood from the souls of her windows

How would I know?
This is too real

Celebrate the downpour
Once you're back on your feet,
You'd be stronger than the wind
As you build new sandcastles with little children

How would I know?
This is too real

In eight full moons, in the month of June,
I will cross a threshold without you;
Could you hold my hand and maybe have a dance in the mountain sunset?

How would I know?
This is too real. It is just too real.

Why Gift-giving Was Never a Christmas Tradition in My Family

I was three years old when I finally muster up the courage to ask my dad, "Pa, why does Santa never visit us in Brunei? Is it because we don't have chimneys in our house and that it never snows?"

My dad was blunt and honest. "Santa's not real. He does not exist."
I was devastated. "But he was on TV."
My dad said, "People made him up so that people will buy more things at Christmas time."

Imagine the frankness of my dad when I was that young. Sure, I was devastated, but my family was lucky. We got what we needed and/or wanted throughout the year. Christmas was a special time when we spent time as a family, going to church during Christmas morning and having a special dinner together. It was a fun time when my dad would put up the Christmas tree while we sang Christmas carols together. At any given point in time, there will never be gifts underneath the tree.

1960s Squirt Jackpot Slot Machine Toy

The year that I did receive a gift, it was a slot machine. Could you imagine how excited I was to receive SOME THING?! At Christmas time? My dad totally got me! He filled it with water. What a prankster! We all had fun! My sibling and I grew up to be just fine! We were not raised up on fairy tales. My dad provided us a frank and realistic view of the world. He didn't set us up for disappointment.

On the contrary, with a different family, I received a lengthy Christmas list from an individual by text message. Some of us had thought it was somewhat rude, but we love their children, so we didn't think much of it. However, we were all annoyed when neither bothered to contact us when they were visiting the city. More often than not, it seems like the presents would go into the trunk; the visit is normally short. We barely get time to spend any quality time with each other. Little would they know that one Christmas, money was tight. One of us had to sell our belongings so that their children would not have their Christmas ruined.

If I had learnt anything from my father by not participating in gift-giving for the past 20+ years, it really teaches your kids not to feel entitled; i.e. Christmas is not the time when they can get whatever they want. Reward them immediately if they've achieved great grades or have done remarkably well in what you have wanted them to do. It would reinforce great behaviour. Kids won't remember what types of behaviour they should continue if they had to wait until Christmas for everything.


Oh, and the common obligatory gifts that we receive. Adults can buy whatever they need. Please save your own money; there are struggling families who could use the money on groceries over Christmas. Donate to the food bank instead. I'm not big into receiving any trinkets nor anymore bath products at Christmas time. Christmas is a really tough time for us this year; having to save up for a wedding and home renovation isn't at all fun. I would rather people keep their money and use it towards their bill and living expenses.

So many holidays have lost its meaning -- since the media has pretty much brainwashed each of us into how we must buy "things" for others. Really, if you still feel obligated to buy something, a fruit basket would suffice. Vitamin C helps keeps us strong. Simple, delicious and nutritious. 

Blue Christmas

³⁶ and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God’s children, since they are children of the resurrection. (Luke 20:36)

Losing any loved ones, before the holidays, is not easy. I feel the pain of families having to go through any celebratory events the first time without loved ones. Earlier last month, the doctors did all they could, given the fact that the hospital did not have any cardiac facilities. Nonetheless, my father didn't suffer. It was sudden and quick. My dad left us with a smiling face before we laid him to rest. There are still times when I would have exciting news to share, only to stop myself before I would send my dad an email.

When I heard the song "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas", I was crying uncontrollably at the part where the song went, "someday soon, we all will be together". Grieving is a personal journey. Too often, I've been given the advice: "Be strong." It is tiring having to live up to the expectations of a stoic society, hiding behind a smile.  

This Christmas, I won't be celebrating. I've politely turned down all Christmas obligations. In Victorian times, I have been told, they don't celebrate any events for a year. The Chinese culture is almost similar: grieving period is 100 days. It would give us the chance to be close with the remaining family that we've got. Love will keep us together; that would be Christmas enough.


It will be difficult, but as long as we are alongside with family, it is perfectly okay to grief openly. It seems much more noticeable since everyone else is cheerful and having a good time. My advice? Don't worry about what others would say because they probably might not really understand the pain of losing someone close until it happens to them. Chances are that they would respect your need to grief and give you space or offer you hugs.


My thoughts and prayers go out to those who have lost a loved one before Christmas this year.

Autumn in Edmonton

Autumn is a very beautiful time of the year. 97 Street (just north of Yellowhead Trail) provides a great fall scenery.

I was walking my dog with a few other ladies at Queen Elizabeth Park, by Kinsmen. I had to stop when I saw this gorgeous archway framed by trees:

Edmonton has amazing trails for running, walking and cycling. It's a great escape without having to travel too far.

Net Present Value Function in Excel

In a studying frenzy for my CMA case exam, I came up with an NPV template that would tackle:
- changing tax rates
- varying annual cash in-flows & out-flows

In a 4 hour exam, time is precious. I won't have time to use my financial calculator if they gave us a timeline of more than 5 years, which happened in the Solare Consulting case. Hopefully this blog post will be helpful for those who are looking for a quick and dirty reference on calculating NPV for capital budgeting exercise.

Disclaimer: My template has not been audited for accuracy. Use at your own discretion.
Here is the fore-mentioned template. Link: https://www.dropbox.com/s/9rs0tywhmvm50qf/Quant%20Template.docx
I tested it against using the PV factor formula, where-by: (1+k)^-n
I have n laid out as a horizontal timeline: 0 1 2 3 .... n on Excel, where these numbers are linked to, when finding what the PV factor for each n-th year is. (Note: you can copy and paste horizontally until time_n once the PV factor formula is set up)

Then, take the net after-tax annual cash-flows per each year and multiply it by the respective PV factor for that n-th year. Take the sum of these discounted cash-flows. Bang, you've got your NPV.

That is using financial mathematics.

However, there is a quicker way yet.
Find the sum of all your after-tax dollars in the column when n = 0; let's call this CF_0. Then, add that CF_0 with NPV(k%, CF_1:CF_n)

where k% is your after-tax WACC (Weighted Average Cost of Capital).

I tested both and they match.

If the exam gives varying tax rates for different EBIT levels, I might cry a little and use if-statements on Secure Exam to insert tax rates. Then, find NPV. Alright, I have anticipated as many curve-balls they can throw at me. I just hope I'm ready!!

Oops, Wire Went Unplugged

Wow, it has been a while since I've done any artwork, music and writing. I was looking up a really, really old social network profile I had and compare it with what I am actually doing today: my hobbies really took a toll as I have been devoting more time to my career. Any spare time I've got, I try to post often to my food blog as well, on top of maintaining professional studies after work. (Yes, owning a house can eat away a lot of your time, unless I had elves cleaning magically after midnight.)

What I should really do though is to unplug myself from various distractions: the TV and social media. Either two mind-numbing things seem much more detrimental to being creative, especially when time is a constraint. When I write, I think, I feel, I'm alive. I would find ways to improve how I phrase and describe a moment. I found that I am annoyed that I haven't been myself lately. If I was one of the seven dwarves, I'd be Grumpy. A brat. Hurrah, I'm vicariously living my life through others. Piss off. (That's Grumpy talking.)

However, when I try to recall some simple joys, I remember that discovering failures and successes for myself is far more rewarding than watching another person do it. Yes, tie a super-knotted bracelet by mistake, I'd then be spending endless time as a kid, enjoying the process of loosening the knots and re-do the handmade friendship bracelet -- even though I could've easily cut new strands and start over again.

I'll start with getting re-acquainted with the piano. Here is a short clip of me sight-reading a Van Morrison song -- just the first verse. My plan is to learn  two songs to play as a bride next year. So, I was casually playing to see which songs would work. I guess this blog would pick up when I were to document DIY passes and fails. :) 

O' Alberta

Oh, province of great beauty -- not one bit the same
From North to South; Prairies to the Rockies
Diverse wealth from fertile soils and fossil fuels

Sweet home, Alberta...

- Cynnie, September 30, 2012

(This is my very first acrylic medium. My only exposure was a brief introduction to mixing basic acrylic colours when I was volunteering for Artist on the Ward at the university hospital.)